


ножевые ранения

by Paradichlorobenzene



Category: Danganronpa
Genre: Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Other, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-11-07 11:21:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17959532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paradichlorobenzene/pseuds/Paradichlorobenzene
Summary: It is a desire to feel human, to test one’s pain tolerance and cling to any feeling so you can believe that you are human, though that sort of belief rarely lasts for long.———Alt summary: Ikusaba harms herself to ‘check in’ with herself and find emotion, in this case, she feels a dull pang and nothing else.





	ножевые ранения

**Author's Note:**

> sometimes you just gotta... emotion. also all of my writing related with these sisters will be named after the songs by nightstop ‘cause... hm. by the way, in this writing piece, mukuro’s obsession levels are low since she’s put into a more soldier like mindset. this work deals with self harm, if you are not comfortable with that topic then this piece is not for you.

The alarm clock reads 11:30 am and it is dead silent, save for the soft heartbeat of Ikusaba who sits on her bed and stares off into nothing. She begins the usual routine which is simply stare at the blank space of nothingness and wonder about herself, wonder if her purpose is really, her purpose and just what it is to be human with the fake smiles and how people visibly hold their tongues back just to maintain a friendship that won’t even last. She just wants to understand what it is like to be everyone else and not someone who operates similar to a machine.  
  
Reality fades back in and she can not remember why there is a box cutter in her hand, the tip set on the underside of her arm and it’s funny to even think that she is some mercenary but has no scars implanted in her body. Nothing at all, her skin is only calloused and her mind is scarred for her body is always tense with steel pupils scanning everywhere she goes for signs of dagger. It is not fear for herself, but the concern and a human trait for another. The more human one, some may say.  
  
Enoshima Junko, her younger sister and a woman who probably has more emotions than anyone else Ikusaba has seen. An array of them, she wonders how it is to be like her, to feel something run through your blood. Pain sparking like flames all around your skin as one part of your form become damaged. Ikusaba Mukuro wants to experience that, even with how the blade makes its first cut, a pressure applied and becoming a famous pattern of jagged death, not even one heartstring of pain is pulled.  
  
It’s as if this body is not hers. Is Ikusaba Mukuro, really someone? Is this body truly hers? If it is, then she wants to find out why she feels so numb, it’s a horrifying type of numb, the sort of feeling that makes you sweat and want to puke for all eternity. She realizes that blood has poured from the single cut and wonders what she should do about it.  
  
Mukuro zones out once more, staring at her round in the darkness and trying to pull herself apart to find something relatively human to ‘relate’ with. It’s a normal desire for most people, right? Maybe this was wrong, doing this harm onto her skin but would even care? There aren’t that many people left in the world who would even spare her their gaze. In times of judgment, it is an advantage to be nothing and out. But will judgment ever come? There will never be a day where crimes are found.  
  
Rattling of keys and the door that allows the guest to view the dorm of said Ultimate Soldier, a well known blonde enters and scene and turns the lights on with one switch by the entrance.  
  
The flattering lips of Enoshima begin to move until she focuses on her sister and the blade and the scene, truthfully, worry and concern overwhelm her senses. Despite how she carries herself, she feels some sort of urge to talk to her sister about this situation. Which Enoshima does, willingly, closing the door and locking it whilst heading to her sister, on her knees and reading the plain expression of Ikusaba. There is nothing, it’s almost as if she’s dead or something of the sort for all of the ‘human’ she has seen has been tucked away.  
  
Reality crashes back in and the boxcutter clatters onto the flood, lightweight objects don’t make a lot of noise anyway. She feels warmth on her cheeks and someone, or something trying to get her attention. Her mind is in the sense of reality, but her body is not, frozen in time. It was an eerie feeling, to not be able to move your body even with your mind trying to get at least something to move, akin to sleep paralysis.  
  
That person or thing, just had to be her sister, right? For who else could it be? Who else would care about her? She spoke to a few students at this school, but they never showed signs of being interested in who she was, maybe it was because her gaze showed zero signs of life and her voice carried no emotion alongside it? Or maybe, it was because Ikusaba Mukuro was similar to a shadow of someone who was alive before, someone who knew they had a purpose, but that was all wrong, for was childhood like that? The innocence of a child was it within her or lost to her sister who was better than, many things, the type of person to have a shadow.  
  
Is it normal to not realize what is happening and ignore it? Despite hearing fruitful concern as everything feels as if it's fading away, there is no pain invading her veins, skin or mind, it is a dull bore, she just wants to feel human, to react to pain and interactions with the low signs of life in her eyes, but that will never happen anyway because she'll always be the same with the stupid poker face that doesn't do much in many situations, she believes. Slowly, her head presses into the contact, surprise fills her hollow body at seeing her sister at this very moment of life.  
  
The words that enter the air are not audible, maybe it is because of the tears that dream down the fashionista’s face and this time, the despair is not bliss, it is dread deep within the stomach and mind. The sharp object is discarded to the side as Enoshima tries with effort to have her sister at least say one thing before her mind makes this dramatic. She does care for this sister of hers, no matter how many times she degrades Ikusaba, she still cares. Just because one may believe Enoshima keeps Ikusaba alive to simply suffer is not the reason why the soldier is breathing, it is because even villains feel human. They care about those who follow their orders but may not be able to show it well, on screen with an audience or off screen.  
  
Faintly, the soldier makes out words to say something, she draws a small breath before sliding her hands to grip the shoulders of the fashionista to have the latter realize she is alive, and understands things in a different view.  
  
This different view, will help and not have this sort of event happen again, because harming yourself to feel human is not the way, pain is not the only ‘path’ to humanity. The path does not have to be that rough or soft, for life is not full of regret nor faith.  
  
“ _извините, я не буду делать это снова _.” With that, it was almost like all the hurt and sister like moment evaporated into nothing. But it felt better to sleep and close eyes, messing with blonde locks and lightly sleeping. No one shall know of the scar, as Enoshima does not tell all the things that happen, nor does Ikusaba. It is a code between them, to never share personal things with people.__  
  
Sometimes, one will find the right person and spill their whole story out to. Some people have that chance, others commonly don’t. But that is all fine. Because what matters is that you trying to express yourself, your pain, identity through other ways. Self harm is not the best, there are always other ways. Remember, it is okay to open up to a close friend and have them help you.

**Author's Note:**

> медные духовые by ножевые ранения


End file.
